January 19, 2010

Why the heck am I so afraid of writing?

Well, maybe it’s not fear, just a strong sense of avoidance, like it’ll invade my schedule and I’ll have to drop something because of it. But then a lot of the things I do aren’t nearly as therapeutic as when I write. It’s like whenever I do write, I come away with a sense of “Really? Why don’t I do this more often?”, but I still avoid it. Push it back. Push back the “writable” ideas back into the pot to stew for a few more weeks. Why? What the heck is wrong with me?

Anyways, as the title indicates, this is the introduction to this new bloggorama I’m attempting. It’s probably going to be a little more rough than my stuff on Xanga, but that might be a good thing :) (I just imagined wordpress crashing because I linked something to Xanga; like the whole searching “google” in Google, but not like that at all, lol. )

I really don’t know what this thing will look like, but I’m not really worried about it. I’m guessing it’ll be a mix of thought snippets, random ideas (in the process of being processed), and “lifey” essays. As per a usual blog, right? But I’m guessing that most of you reading this will be people that I already know, and I’m thinking this will be a good connection point. Enough of this not seeing one of you for ages then trying to remember all the stuff that happened over the last four months. I’m going to do my best to update this thing as life progresses the way that life seems to. For my sake as much as yours.

And, as this is the introduction, I feel the blog title and tag should be explained. First, I chose the title “Cracks in the pavement…” because I want my words to be a reflection of reality, a result of life and experience. Not just some pretty words I whipped up. Second, I chose the tag as “When you can’t hear anything but the beating of your heart against your ribcage…” because this is something that I actually experience. When crazy stuff is going on and/or I find myself taking crazy risks of the heart, I can actually feel my heart thumping in my chest… all the time. All I need to do is stop whatever I am doing, and I can feel the thump and pulse of blood throughout my body. Okay, I can’t literally feel my heart beating against my ribcage, but it’s comparable. And it was a sweet line I came across while reading Corina90 :) PS. To those in the medical field, should I be worried about this? lol

Alright, I think that’s it for today.

Peace out everyone!



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